We are 1 month in the south of France at Le Domaine Vert, where we went to build a tiny house from leftover materials. Almost 8 hectares of land. And after 3 months in the Netherlands and several weeks of stress holidays in Scandinavia, I started to land back into myself in France after a few weeks. The energy of the country is good on me. And I am gaining new insights again. Including about silence.

Immediately after arriving, a week began with all kinds of people coming to help logging. The new environment, the uncertainty in what to do, the many conversations, the group dynamics, they touched me on several levels. And for a while, I didn’t know how or what.

But after they left, peace slowly returned. On the estate, but also in myself.

Being quiet and listening to sounds

The morning I took this photo, I was silent, but the sound was actually deafening!

I was sitting at the picnic table that morning. A place where I love to be, and where even in this time of low sun, the sun can still be found for much of the day (at least when it is not blocked by clouds). I went there to make drawings for the tiny house. But at some point, I allowed myself to be totally in the NOW. One of the things I learned from Eckhart Tolle is that you are always in the NOW if you are silent in that moment and listen to sounds around you.

In that silence, I suddenly heard everything. The drying up of the dew in the reeds and bamboo stalks, the lizards running through them, a barking dog very far away, people talking, the flies buzzing, the chickens walking around, the leaves falling from the trees. Every sound was very clear and loud. Even if it was far away. It was an extraordinary experience.

Hearing and seeing others

I notice that I am becoming quieter and quieter. For example, I no longer have to make an effort to start a conversation if it doesn’t come naturally. And I also notice that I have less and less to say.

In recent years, I have already started a trend of accepting that someone is the way they are. I observe, I perceive, I analyse and most of the time I do form an opinion (I can still get away from that). I don’t feel the need to change anyone. To ask questions. It is as it is. And I react to that. For example, whether or not I like being with that person. Whether he/she suits me. What I can do to deal with that and also whether I am willing to do that. Etc.
So I also don’t go exploring by asking all kinds of questions. Something I would have done plenty of in the past. Now I remain silent.

(This attitude does not apply to hubby, by the way – I share my life with him and with him I still say (too) much).

 Words programm

The biggest insight I have gained over the past few months (and even more so in the last few weeks) is how much words do. How much value we place on surveys, opinions, comments, swear words and personal experiences.

We see our whole world through the lenses of our conditioning. These have mainly come from well-meaning warnings: ‘Don’t touch, it’s hot’, ‘You’ll burn yourself on fire’, ‘Candy wise eat an apple (because sweets will give you cavities)’, ‘Do your best at school, otherwise you won’t have a good income later’, ‘Boys are stronger than girls’, ‘Boys aren’t supposed to cry’. And so on.

The older you get, the more intense it gets. As far as I am concerned, in health care and at school, they make the most of it: ‘With this diagnosis, the prognosis is that you have 6 months left’, ‘A side effect of chemotherapy is that your hair will fall out’, ‘The more educated, the better’, ‘Do you listen carefully to what the teacher says’, ‘What’s in the textbooks is true’, ‘The five-slice pie chart is the ideal diet’, and so on.

But how often do we use these ourselves?

• I noticed that…
• This happened to me…
• My experience is that…
• It is said that…
• Do you (not) know that…
• If … happens then…

But precisely because everyone is full of their own experiences and thinks that someone else is therefore going to experience it the same way, our experiences are often very similar. “Because what the crowd thinks must be true”, most people seem to think.

Last Sunday, on a walk, it happened twice: The first time, hubby warned that it was slippery. And promptly I slipped. I indicated to him that he had better not say that, because this was actually programming.

Coming to a very simple little bridge made of wood. The wood was damp and that I would be careful was already clear to me. But suddenly hubby said while walking across it, “Oops, it’s slippery”.

And then I couldn’t cross it anymore. I could already see myself slipping and falling in the water And wet feet, with the cold weather, I really didn’t feel like it. We still had to walk a bit. Of course, hubby thought my behaviour was nonsense. But we did end up finding an alternative route, which involved crossing the low water, but via rocks

I have been following Marina Jacobi for over two years now and have watched many of her weekly webinars. I am starting to understand quantum physics better and better. I see more and more that we are creating our own reality. We ourselves have already taken quite a few steps, outside the established paths. And we notice a difference in experience with people around us. Incidentally, our choices are not always thanked.

Since I had my ‘quarterlife dip’ (in the Netherlands it is called the thirty-something dip, but I had it at 24), I realise that I LIVE MY LIFE. No one does that for me. You can have so many friends and family. But my experiences are mine. How I feel is up to me. And… , I’ve also thought, if I want to get out of this life because I don’t like it, that’s up to me.

So I can very well distance myself from what others think of my choices. They don’t see what I see and know. AND… in their reality, some things are not possible, which are in my reality.

On the one hand, I do notice that I feel the need to tell them that life is different from what we have been told. That you are ALL in control, whether you believe it or not.

A sister-in-law thinks that’s why I’m very dangerous. And I talk to people with a guilt complex: ‘Because if I can’t cure myself, then I am therefore the one to blame’.

I find that kind of comment superfascinating. Because where I found it a great comfort knowing that I am SELF responsible, others find that far too big and are more comfortable thinking that something is wrong becaus of  someone else, or the wrong medicine. Not that they can change anything in themselves to adjust their situation.

For me, that is the truth. Based on my intuition, experience and feelings. And that’s how my beliefs are formed. And everything you believe is true.

Another person has another experience and acquires their own beliefs. And believes something else again.
And both of us are right. From our own point of view.

That doesn’t mean that what I say is true for everyone.
It is true for me.

And from that point of view, I get quieter and quieter.

Because who am I, to say anything about your experience? Or the other person about my experience?