Nevertheless, there is plenty of conversation with each other. It is also clear that there is a large solid core who at least recognise each other and sometimes also engage in regular conversation. But nothing is loud. Conversations need not be heard by neighbours. Everything goes wonderfully harmoniously. Dutch and Spaniards are much more similar in their extravert behaviour and Germans are often present in a different way, especially if they are with children.

There are also remarkably few children coming to this beach. And frankly, I enjoy that. How most millennials (born between 1980-2000) treat their children is really toe-curling, and I suspect they are breeding a whole generation of narcissists who think that anything goes and everything is possible, and that there is no need to be considerate of fellow human beings.

But, back to personality tests.

I am currently reading the book ‘The Five Elements: Understand Yourself and Enhance Your Relationships with the Wisdom of the World’s Oldest Personality Type System’, written by Dondi Dahlin, daughter of the famous Donna Eden, who brought and still brings Energy Medicine to the world, despite her declining health.

While reading, it is regularly a feast of recognition. Hubby is often a distinct type, though. And with Wood, there is a lot of recognition. Also looking at myself, I regularly see things that fit how I react and am. But then I read the other types and there too, I recognise what fits me.

I occasionally read parts aloud. Hubby likes that. He loves my voice and hates reading. And so listening goes down well with him. And so I regularly read something that applies to him. Then I regularly see a grin because it so clearly suits him, but the other side is that he always hates it when the ‘negative’ points are pointed out.

Some characteristics really do fit a certain type distinctively. Often these are character traits that are less appreciated by other types, but which also make that type strong. What makes them achieve things.

Sometimes people are seen as too blunt, too driven, too career-oriented. And I too have come to see those traits as something ‘negative’. I want to try to stay away from those kinds of traits.

Do I want to be liked so much then? No, I don’t think it has anything to do with that.
However, I am indeed a very sensitive person, and can feel and see by little things what something does to another person. And if I can prevent someone from being affected in a negative way, that is something I do want to work on. I can probably do/say it differently too, if that makes things easier for the receiver.

If you’ve read other personal blogs of mine, then you probably know that I’ve been aware of my body since I was two: A body that is very healthy, but that I don’t really love. I don’t live up to (my?) beauty ideal.

In my teens (or was it early 20s?), I went to a boulima/anorexia ward for an examination. Their conclusion was: we want to hospitalise you. I thought that was really big nonsense. I was functioning fine in life. But… what they also said is this: “You are a clown. You wear a mask and you laugh away everything. You don’t show your feelings. But it’s okay to say how you feel about something, or what something does to you.”
I did start working on that. Something not everyone can appreciate either, haha.

There are things that cannot be discussed:
Like my life, is my life.
My children, are our children. Belonging to hubby and me.

We have (been given) the task of guiding them into adulthood (and beyond, of course). If someone wants to interfere with how I should live my life or why I should raise them differently, e.g. that I can’t take my child away from his environment, then that person is wrong about me. I do what feels right for me. And if that doesn’t suit you, too bad.

The feeling: “I am the only one, who can live my life”, was felt strongly in 1994. I returned from Crete. Totally Miserable. I had worked there for six weeks for the Dutch tour operator Sudtours and they sent the contract only after I was on site. A tactic of theirs, this way they assume employees won’t say no anymore. But I had already worked for a German company. And knew that their contract was downright outrageous. Working 70 hours a week and only getting paid for 25. Not a single hair on my head would consider that. NO! You pay 40 hours and otherwise I leave. After all, they had also put me exactly in the area that I had said beforehand was not for me (Hersonissos).

And so I left. An illusion poorer. I had really thought of living abroad. To marry a foreigner. And now I was forced to go back to the Netherlands. And to build an existence there (incidentally, I am now also convinced that that was necessary to meet hubby – but I wasn’t that far back then).

I began to suffer from everything. For a short time I thought I had all kinds of scary diseases, that I was dying. I was mildly depressed. Went driving fast. Not endangering another person, but endangering myself. Not caring if I was going to die. I didn’t mind if I did. No one was living my life… No one could change that. And if I wanted to die, that was my choice. PERIOD.

But who is this mySELF then? Who am I?
Have I adapted so much that I have lost the core of mySELF?

Or can I still be mySELF with all these ‘average characteristics’, where I have tried to get many negative sides out of me? My idea was that this would make me a better version of myself. However, I do have some doubts now.

I asked myself this question: “Have I lost Myself because of all these adjustments? Or am I indeed a better version of myself thanks to all these adjustments?”

I talked about it with hubby. He thinks I am unique. Precisely because he always see a certain type emerge clearly in all other people. Thanks to our distributorship at Amway from 1997-200, we read books like Personality Plus Plus (Florence Littauer), which contained 4 types (Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholy, and Phlegmatic, which are very easy to recognise. That already gave us a good basis of recognition and understanding others.

With me, a particular type NEVER emerged, not in tests and not in hubby’s eyes. He recognises this from one type, he recognises that from another. And he loves that too.

He sees that this allows me to interact with a lot of people. I adapt, to what they need.

I also see it here in Brittany, where we manage 14 safari tents for Villatent. Every reception is different, because every couple is different. I adapt depending on who I have in front of me. I can be aloof, I can be the girlfriend, I can be the ‘manager’.
Hubby always sees that and finds it a wonderful quality, which – according to him – few people have (or in his words: no one has).

So than the question arose: ”How were you as a child”

Whereas some people say that as a child you were your pure you, I honestly completely disagree. Or am I an exeption to the rule again?

I was a do-it-yourselfer as a toddler. I was the caring type. Was a doll mother. Did not like quarrels (which probably were more of in my younger years than I remember). I didn’t dare to choose when there was a platter of different chocolates or biscuits. I took what remained. I was shy. I hated it when attention was drawn to me until I was on stage. My primary school (‘t Fondamint in Surhuisterveen, The Netherlands) was progressive, had musical teachers and so there were early performances and there was also a Christmas musical I sang in, for example. I loved crawling into a role. Because then they didn’t look at me, but at the character I was playing. That wasn’t me.

But, actually, I was hiding SELF. I didn’t actually dare to show mySELF. I had to fit in, not make the other person’s life harder. And fitting in, I could even then.

Looking at the girl then, and the woman I am now, I have definitely become a better version. I no longer fear standing in front of groups. People can no longer imagine that I was shy. I have learnt that arguing does not mean the end of a relationship. However, I can still react emotionally if, for example, with a talking stick, it is my turn to say something, in a setting where it is about me, Hilleen.

Not because of the roles I play (daughter, sister, wife, mother, colleague, aunt, neighbour, etc.). When I am truly listened to, I feel it deeply and it moves me enormously. I appreciate those moments tremendously.

Not a chameleon

For a long time, I thought I was not sensitive. But the opposite is true. With me it’s just much more of a claircognizance. And not so long ago, I discovered that this is also a form of sensitivity. I always thought I must feel all kinds of things in my body or emotions. Which I don’t. So therefore I did not consider myself sensitive.

I am happy with the fact that I can deal with various personality types. According to hubby, that’s actually a strength of mine.

It doesn’t have to be a major characteristic of a personality type.

Doesn’t mean, by the way, that I am friends with everyone. On the contrary. I can easily count my friends on one hand.

But it does mean that I am considerate of others. And that feels good.
AND
That I am discovering that I still have plenty to learn, when it comes to standing up for myself, setting more of my own boundaries and not being bothered if someone else can’t see or handle that.

A chameleon blends in with the background. I’m (definitly) not that type. People often notice me. I am often spoken to, they ask me questions everywhere. So no, I don’t see myself as a chameleon.

I am still in ‘the school of life’ and enjoy what I am learning and discovering.

What personality type are you according to which test? And what does this knowledge do with you?